"But 'God made them male and female' from the beginning of creation. 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together." (Mark 10:6-9)
I recently watched the movie Seven Pounds which really got me thinking deeply. God used that deep place of introspection coincidentally with the thoughts from my last discussion with our home group on the Rich Young Ruler. After contemplating the question, "What keeps ME from following Jesus?", I realized an embedded fear of pain.
Just like the rich, young ruler who felt it painful to give up all his wealth and possessions to follow Jesus, I find it painful to give all of myself in wreckless abandonment to those I love most, especially my husband. I can let him watch the intimate details of my life unfold, but to be immersed in life with him, allowing comfort and love to be exchanged means pain in the end. For to love someone deeply, without regard for any pain that may have to be endured, because you have given all of yourself is kamakazi-like.
This fear of pain keeps my man at arms length, a mere spectator. The what-ifs swirl through my mind encouraging me to take some control. Pain from rejection; pain from loss; pain from an overwhelming sense of compassion; pain from a broken heart. This is where it is difficult for me to follow Jesus: Giving all of me to loving my man without regard for any pain that will be endured, and allowing myself to be loved deeply by him. But I am reminded in 2 Timothy, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline." (1:7)
Trusting God to be sufficient in any pain and not my own relational walls to avoid the pain is the stuff of faith. "Abraham believed God and God counted him as righteous because of his faith... It is through faith that a righteous person has life." (Galatians 3:6, 11) I want to experience this life!
