"But 'God made them male and female' from the beginning of creation. 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together." (Mark 10:6-9)
I recently watched the movie Seven Pounds which really got me thinking deeply. God used that deep place of introspection coincidentally with the thoughts from my last discussion with our home group on the Rich Young Ruler. After contemplating the question, "What keeps ME from following Jesus?", I realized an embedded fear of pain.
Just like the rich, young ruler who felt it painful to give up all his wealth and possessions to follow Jesus, I find it painful to give all of myself in wreckless abandonment to those I love most, especially my husband. I can let him watch the intimate details of my life unfold, but to be immersed in life with him, allowing comfort and love to be exchanged means pain in the end. For to love someone deeply, without regard for any pain that may have to be endured, because you have given all of yourself is kamakazi-like.
This fear of pain keeps my man at arms length, a mere spectator. The what-ifs swirl through my mind encouraging me to take some control. Pain from rejection; pain from loss; pain from an overwhelming sense of compassion; pain from a broken heart. This is where it is difficult for me to follow Jesus: Giving all of me to loving my man without regard for any pain that will be endured, and allowing myself to be loved deeply by him. But I am reminded in 2 Timothy, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline." (1:7)
Trusting God to be sufficient in any pain and not my own relational walls to avoid the pain is the stuff of faith. "Abraham believed God and God counted him as righteous because of his faith... It is through faith that a righteous person has life." (Galatians 3:6, 11) I want to experience this life!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Realization of Rescue
A deep since of compassion is a fresh wound aching in my soul. Longing to put this pain to use for God's Kingdom, I type here organizing my thoughts to be prepared to share when given an open door.
Realizing God's rescue from the dark pit of despair that engulfed me this summer, my heart breaks when dear friends are almost swallowed up by the same enemy. I know intimately the reality of demons seeking to strangle the literal life out of someone. In the face of such horror observed in others, I am utterly humbled into a crying heap on the floor at the realization of God's blessing of rescue. In the midst, I wanted never to return to such a dark place. But, experiencing the reality of my own liberation causes me in desparation to long for others' salvation so much that I would take on their despair because I know now that I can make it through because I have God.
For His precious words to me from Isaiah were the hope that I clung to believing His promise for fulfillment. "'You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God - there never has been, and there never will be. I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. First, I predicted your rescue, then I saved you... You are witnesses that I am the only God,' says the Lord." (43:10-12)
And now with His gift of compassion "I feel as if I'm going through labor pains for [the hurting and lost], and they will continue until Christ is fully developed in [their] lives." (Galatians 4:19) May this gift be for nothing. Hear my cries, Lord!
Realizing God's rescue from the dark pit of despair that engulfed me this summer, my heart breaks when dear friends are almost swallowed up by the same enemy. I know intimately the reality of demons seeking to strangle the literal life out of someone. In the face of such horror observed in others, I am utterly humbled into a crying heap on the floor at the realization of God's blessing of rescue. In the midst, I wanted never to return to such a dark place. But, experiencing the reality of my own liberation causes me in desparation to long for others' salvation so much that I would take on their despair because I know now that I can make it through because I have God.
For His precious words to me from Isaiah were the hope that I clung to believing His promise for fulfillment. "'You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God - there never has been, and there never will be. I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. First, I predicted your rescue, then I saved you... You are witnesses that I am the only God,' says the Lord." (43:10-12)
And now with His gift of compassion "I feel as if I'm going through labor pains for [the hurting and lost], and they will continue until Christ is fully developed in [their] lives." (Galatians 4:19) May this gift be for nothing. Hear my cries, Lord!
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