Do you have people in your life that hurt and disappoint you? Have you ever been angry because someone has hurt you by making a decision without any regard for others? I'm there!! What to do with all that swirls within as a result... so I went to God, the only place I could be totally honest and at the same time expect the Truth in return.
In my anger, literal screaming in my head, He asked me, "Where is your hope? Who do you look to with expectation, for fulfillment or satisfaction?" After years of miraculous transformation in me by Him, I could answer, "You. You are enough. You are all... 'And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.' (Psalm 39:7) But, now what, God? What do I do with the pain, heartache, hurt?"
God's sweet reply was, "If Christianity's purpose is for Me to reconcile the world back to Me through those whom I choose to express my glory and mercy through, then can I not use you in this situation?" What?! MERCY!! You want me to extend mercy to this person? But, they don't deserve it! To which He says, "Neither do you, my dear."
As our conversation lulled, I began remembering some verses in Romans 9 that had been, when first read, confusing. "God chooses to show mercy to some, and he chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen... He does this to make the riches of his glory shine even brighter on those to whom he shows mercy, who were prepared in advance for glory." (vv. 18,23) He then clarified, "Yes, my dear, I have hardened this person's heart so that my glory can shine even brighter through you whom I have chosen. When you allow the power of the Spirit control in this situation and show mercy, My glory will shine even brighter in you. You will magnify my glory to others because it will not be you doing the work. It will be Me in You working. You cannot show mercy apart from Me. Others will see Me because they will know you alone cannot be reacting with mercy in this situation."
In my desire for deeper understanding, I read the KJV of these two verses and searched the dictionary for the meaning of mercy. I found that the KJV translated "those to whom he shows mercy" into "vessels of mercy." So, it is not that I am better, I have just been chosen as a vessel for carrying His mercy to others. Well, just what does this churchy word, mercy, mean? Webster's Dictionary says, "A compassion or forbearance (refraining from the enforcement of something) shown especially to an offender. A blessing that is an act of divine favor. Mercy implies compassion that forbears punishing even when justice demands it." Wow!! I have been offened and yet God has chosen me as His vessel for refraining from punishing this person. Instead, God wants to shower a blessing of Divine favor on them through me.
But, I don't want to... How can I do this?
"And so dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give you bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice - the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him." (Romans 12:1) I must sacrifice what my flesh desires in this situation - punishing this person for hurting and disappointing me. My living, my actions to this person, should be a sacrifice of what I really want to do.
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Isn't this at the heart of my hurt and anger? O, Lord, that I may become a new person more like your Son. Continue to alter my thinking. May I become a willing vessel of Your mercy. Through surrending to Your power at work within, produce in me the characteristics of the fruit of Your Spirit, "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22)
Thank you for this circumstance. Although painful, you have used it to grow me. As my momma used to say, "Those are just growing pains." When the pains from growth disappear, we are forever changed. I am forever grateful You did not allow me to waver in bitterness for long. You used this willing heart to render glory to Your name. "For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory." (Romans 11:36)
