I often day dream about this place. A place where something that seems to be comes to really be. This is the place where God meets me to speak truth and love to my soul longing, thirsting for His living water. I am here...
It has occurred to me in the past few days, as I planned to host a Bible study at my home, that I am living Proverbs 16:9, "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." As the start date drew closer and closer, I received call after call of women backing out. I had made plans to lead a group of women, but God determined that the group I lead consist of two people, one of whom was me. Boy what that will do to someone who struggles with the fear of not being chosen stemming from belief in a lie that she is not good enough!
But, as usual, my time alone in God's Word became very relevant to my current looming despair. I ventured into 1 Corinthians after a short time in Joel. There I was face to face with Paul the Super-Christian. But, his words sang truth to my weary soul. "Remember that few of you were wise in the world's eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you..." (1:26) I am of little significance in worldly terms. No fame or fortune. A mere mom and wife wanting to live in the fullness of God's glory and goodness intended for me. "God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God." (1:28-29) Because God took my relatively large number of women and dwindled them down, I see myself for who I am and am unable to boast in my own ability, but realize God will use my willingness to participate in His work.
Now not being able to boast in my ability to gather women or my own influence in their lives or any ability of my own, I was vulnerable, weak. I read, "He will keep you strong... God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says... God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." (1:8-9,25) Yet, I still felt defeated, and I heard Jesus say, "Believe Me...'Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God is with you.' (1 Chronicles 28:20) Do not measure your worth in earthly standards! Find your worth in Me alone, knowing you are where I have placed you. 'Don't put your confidence in... people, there is no help for you there... But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God.' (Psalm 146:3,5) Believe Me..."
I determined to continue on with the study. And, I continued on into 1 Corinthians. And of course, comfort was found. (Sometimes I wonder why I'm so surprised when God shows up so boldly.) Paul says, "I came to you weakness - timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God." (2:3-5) At this point, I was also weak with a simple message. But, that's what God needed me to learn. It wasn't about delivering a life-changing message to a large group of women in my home. It would have been too easy to boast in myself and my ability in all that missing Him altogether. Both my neighbor and I will now only be able to trust in the power of God's Holy Spirit at work in us.
I wonder if we don't all struggle with this same lesson. We have in our minds that to work for Christ would mean we must do something great, big, drastic, but we are merely regular people living the ordinary. I like how Beth Moore puts it in her study of Esther, "This is the stuff of ordinary life. We have trash to take out. Bills to pay. Mortgages to meet. Make no mistake. Extraordinary things happen around us continually. We just don't always recognize them... Great lives don't always seem great while we're living them. They may seem embarrassingly regular. Seeking to be extraordinary isn't the answer because great lives are never achieved by making greatness the goal... To live for the greatness of God is to live the great life... Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extraordinary... Christ summons the disillusioned to the paradoxical bliss of spilling life lavishly, sacrificially for the glory of God and the good of man. Those with presence of mind and semblance of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips - perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated - into the vast ocean of earthly need."
